The Modern Man’s Sex Guide: How to Be a Better Lover
Sex isn’t just about physical pleasure—it’s about connection, communication, and mutual satisfaction. Yet so many men grow up without real, helpful guidance on how to be a great lover. If your only sex education came from porn or locker room talk, it’s time to upgrade.
Whether you're in a committed relationship or exploring casual encounters, this guide will help you show up with confidence, care, and skill in the bedroom. Here’s what every man should know about great sex.
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๐น 1. It Starts With Respect and Consent
Let’s get one thing clear: consent is non-negotiable. Both partners must actively want to participate in whatever is happening—without pressure or manipulation.
Sex should always be about mutual enjoyment. If your partner isn’t into it, it’s not a “maybe”—it’s a no. When in doubt, ask. Respect is not just the foundation of great sex—it’s what makes it feel safe and exciting for both of you.
๐น 2. Communication Is Sexy
Think talking kills the mood? Think again.
Great sex involves open, ongoing communication. Ask what your partner likes. Be honest about your own desires. Try saying things like:
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“Do you like that?”
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“What feels best for you?”
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“Tell me what you want.”
Clear communication builds trust and lets you explore more freely. Plus, confidence in asking is incredibly attractive.
๐น 3. Foreplay Is Essential, Not Optional
Forget what you’ve seen in porn—sex doesn’t start and end with penetration. For many women (and plenty of men), the best part is everything that leads up to it.
Foreplay is where real intimacy happens. Kissing, touching, teasing, oral sex, and emotional buildup are not just warmups—they’re often the main event. The more attention you give to your partner’s pleasure, the more satisfying it will be for both of you.
Pro tip: The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings. Learn where it is. Treat it kindly.
๐น 4. Learn Her Body (And Yours)
Everyone's body is different, so ditch the one-size-fits-all approach. Take time to explore what feels good for your partner—and be open about your own preferences too.
Here’s what to keep in mind:
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Vaginal intercourse doesn’t always lead to orgasm—especially for women.
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Clitoral stimulation is key for most women’s pleasure.
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Trying new positions can add variety and improve comfort and connection.
Your goal isn’t to “perform,” it’s to connect. Skill helps, but presence and patience are everything.
๐น 5. Take Care of Your Hygiene
Cleanliness may not sound sexy—but it is. A quick shower, fresh breath, and trimmed nails show respect and boost confidence.
Hygiene tips:
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Wash thoroughly (including your groin).
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Keep your pubic area tidy if that’s your or your partner’s preference.
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Use unscented products that won’t irritate sensitive areas.
๐น 6. Use Protection—Always
If you’re not in a monogamous relationship with recent STI testing, use condoms every time. They protect both partners from infections and unplanned pregnancies.
Be honest about your sexual history. Get tested regularly. It’s not awkward—it’s responsible.
๐น 7. Don’t Skip Aftercare
After sex, many people crave comfort, affection, or simply a moment to reconnect. This is called aftercare, and it’s part of great sex too.
Even a simple cuddle, a kiss, or saying, “That was amazing,” can make a big difference. If something didn’t go perfectly, talk about it kindly. You’ll both learn and grow together.
๐น 8. Keep Learning and Evolving
Good lovers aren’t born—they’re made. Keep exploring, asking, and improving. Read, listen, watch, and talk to real people (not just porn stars or influencers).
A few great books to start with:
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๐ She Comes First by Ian Kerner
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๐ The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides
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๐ Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Final Thoughts
Being great in bed isn’t about ego or technique—it’s about empathy, curiosity, and connection. When you make your partner feel safe, seen, and desired, that’s where the magic happens.
So slow down, tune in, and be present. The rest will come naturally.
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